I know it might seem like some people come out of the womb knowing exactly how to plan a wedding, but I promise most normal people have absolutely no idea where to start.

And honestly, I think intentional weddings can be even harder to plan.There's this weird dead zone between traditional weddings and elopements where you don't necessarily need a full-service planner, but you're also not just signing papers at the courthouse.

After years of photographing these kinds of celebrations, I've seen the same questions and frustrations come up over and over again, so I put together this guide based on the weddings I know best. Hopefully it helps you navigate the wedding space your way and saves you from losing your mind in the process.

Because… this shit is supposed to be fun.

How to Throw an super cool Wedding Without Losing Your Mind

by Lo :)

PART I - Mindset

Start with a feeling

Sorry for the cheesiness, but seriously think about how you want to feel and how you want your guests to feel. If you want absolutely no stress, don’t have a 300 person wedding. If you want your guests to party until the sun comes out, save money in your budget to extend your venue.

There are no rules

I want you to remember this before you make literally any decision regarding your celebration. Life is short, do what you want One of the most important things you need to determine is how you want to feel on your wedding day.

Get your priorities straight

If you have a 10k or 500k budget you need to decide what your priorities are, because you pay for them with your dollar and your attention. Remember, people remember how your wedding felt, not how much custom signage you had.

Know yourself

Don’t try and be someone you are not. If you hate planning and hate attention, you are going to be miserable planning a traditional wedding for two year. If you love the spotlight and have a million people that you cant imagine the day without, okay bring it on.

PART II - Prep work

Guest list

How many people do you want at this thing? Nothing affects your budget more than the number of people you invite. Nothing affects your budget more than the number of people you invite.

Major vendors

This is where your priorities guide comes in. If photography is really important to you, book that before the DJ. In general, photographers, videographers, and planners tend to book farther out, so they're a good place to start.

And if you're only a few months out, don't panic. There are plenty of incredible vendors who prefer shorter timelines and still have availability.

  • Planner or coordinator

  • Photographer

  • Videographer

  • Entertainment

  • Florals and decor

Planners are angels, sent from heaven. Unless you genuinely love planning and have an unusually high tolerance for stress, I would highly recommend at least a day-of coordinator so someone other than you is answering questions, taking decor home at the end of the night, and keeping things running smoothly.

Budget

Decide what that magic number is, and expect to spend 10% more. If you do, you planned for it and if you don't it’s a little reward. Hidden and unexpected costs are unfortunately part of the deal a lot of times. Being prepared for this will save you a lot of stress. Know your number before you fall in love with venues.

PART III - Let’s get going

Order of operations

Decide what you care most about and that is your guide for what to start with. Make a list of what is the most important to you to least important to you. This is your guide of what to start with and where to spend. Date and season, venue vibe, food, party and music, photography, flowers, ceremony, traditions, videography, guest experience, attire, stress level for you during the planning process, stress level for you day of, stationary (save the dates and signage), wedding party, additional events (welcome party, rehearsal dinner, and the morning after brunch).

Do your research

Venues and planners will most likely give you their standard recommendations for other vendors and this can be a great place to start. However, those often exclude more niche and specialized vendors. Ask your friends, browse Instagram, and find people whose work and personalities actually resonate with you. You're inviting these people into one of the biggest days of your life, so this is the time to be picky.

Once you've narrowed it down, ask whatever's on your mind. But make sure you ask about these things too:

  • What's included and what's not?

  • Are there any additional fees, taxes, or gratuities?

  • What does the payment schedule look like?

  • How many weddings do you take on?

  • Have you worked at my venue before?

  • What happens if you get sick or there's an emergency?

  • What happens if we need to reschedule?

  • Do you carry insurance?

  • Are there travel fees, overtime rates, or other potential add-ons?

  • When can we expect final deliverables?

  • What do you need from us to do your best work?

  • Is there anything couples often forget to think about?

And perhaps most importantly:

  • Do we actually enjoy talking to this person?

Venue

Needs to be one of the first things you book. Make sure to ask for specific quotes that includes everything you want and understand the factors below.

  • Taxes and service fees

  • Minimums and additional fees

  • Rental options

  • Cancellation, rescheduling, and rain plans

  • Parking and accessibility

  • Liability and insurance

  • What's included and what's not

  • Vendor restrictions or preferred vendor lists

  • Setup and breakdown responsibilities

  • Ceremony and reception timing limits

  • Overtime rates

  • Noise ordinances and end times

  • Getting ready spaces

  • Capacity (realistic, not maximum)

  • Hotel accommodations nearby

PART IIII- Budget

Where to spend

Photography

  • I’m obviously biased, but as one of the people who will spend the most time with you and you are entrusting to notice and capture your irreplicable memories, it is very important that you like their vibe and trust their work. How to know if you should trust a photographer? Quick responses, professional website, transparent costs, viewing complete galleries, and phone call vibe checks.

Guest comfort

  • You care about them, don’t make them sit in 105 degree weather with no AC.

Coordination

  • I promise, as organized as your best friend or mom is, you do not want stress anywhere near you or anyone you love the day of. Get someone to help you with planning and to execute day of tasks.

Where to save

Videography

  • Such a beautiful medium, not absolutely necessary. A quick note that if you view wedding videography as one thing, explore non-traditional options.

Signage and extravagant decor

  • Again, when have you ever remembered how cool someone’s custom font on their seating chart was?

Off peak dates

  • Winter, weekdays, and holidays are often significantly cheaper to book venues on. You can get married on a Wednesday night no one is stopping you.

Bridal Party

  • You don’t need to send a bunch of bridal boxes if you are not going to ask them to drop a bunch of money to be a part of the wedding.

IDK up to you

Save the dates are optional.

  • They are gorgeous, however in the modern era they are functionally a QR code that takes you to a website. If you really want them for your detail shots or memory boxes, just print a few and send a Partiful to guests. I promise they don’t care. (If they do that’s weird)

Trends come and go

  • This doesn’t mean that they are not fun and you shouldn’t do they, it is probably just not the place to drop the $$$

Entertainment

  • DJ’s and bands bring the party, so if that’s important to you get one. If you know your crowed will get down to a Spotify playlist on a JBL, go for it.

Food & drink

  • An open bar is definitely a good way to go. Underrated alternative - BYOB, venue dependent. Definitely not advocating for cheep or bad food, just remember that you can do a buffet style from your favorite restaurant.

Quick tips

  • One venue is almost always easier and cheeper.

  • A venue that includes some decor, and food + drink will be even cheaper.

  • Don’t forget to factor the costs of your bridal party in your wedding budget. Bachelor/ette parties, gifts, hair and makeup etc add up for everyone.

  • A gorgeous and unique venue does not need much decor and a blank slate venue is made to be personalized with decor. Choose your own adventure.

  • Thrifting.

  • If you are doing a lot of DIY’s please, I beg of you, do not wait until the month before your wedding to do them.

  • If you pay up front, it feels free later. Just saying.

  • I understand complicated family dynamics, but remember that every person you invite is an added cost. Is your uncle’s friend worth $250?

PART IV - Vibes

Don’t be scared of,

  • not having a timeless wedding

  • bold decor and flowers

  • throwing tradition and superstition you don’t care about out the window

  • upsetting family - I’ll fight them, problem solved

  • playing music your parents don't know

  • getting married somewhere that isn't a wedding venue, just get a planner

  • not spending every second hosting a party instead of being at your wedding

  • color

Be scared of,

  • doing anything that feels inauthentic - you will regret it

  • being forced into obligatory decisions

  • inviting people you haven't spoken to in five years because your mom said you should

  • being stressed out and not enjoying your wedding

  • looking back and realizing none of it felt like you

  • nothing matching

  • scheduling portraits for noon in August

  • beige

You got this! Obviously, I would love to hear from you if you are interested in photo coverage. Please do not hesitate to reach out if you are looking for more advice or other vendor recommendations!